Lets talk control people! This is an area of our lives that generates so many emotions that are rooted in the illusion of its existence. What do I mean by that? Well in reality we often have little to zero control in our lives. So let’s first define control, according to Merriam Webster control means “to exercise restraining or directing influence over” or “to have power over”. I’m gonna break that down a bit more, influence is within the first definition, and it means “the power or capacity of causing an effect in indirect or tangible ways”. So for the concept of our emotions we want to separate these, control versus influence, and to do that we will use the second definition of control “to have power over”. So now I want you to think real fast about what you really have power over in your life versus what you have influence over.
Control
We often think we have control over our bodies, our possessions, our reputations or even our family. I’m here to tell you that really all you can do with these is influence them. “Pete, your full of it, I have full control over my body” or something like that is what I imagine you saying as you read this, if that is true then the challenge is set, force yourself to not take a shit for the next 30 days, I mean you have power over it, it should do what you want…right?
To be clear you really only have control of three areas in your life, your thoughts, actions and reactions. That’s it boys and girls, nothing more, nothing less, everything else is a degree of influence! So to further prove my point an act of nature can damage every example listed in the previous paragraph (our bodies, our possessions, our reputations or even our family) and if nature is simply doing whatever it wants & can quickly take away your influence as well…then you never had control in the first place.
Why is this important? Well often we get upset about things we believe are in our control not behaving in a manner that is appropriate to our desires. The kids act out, the back gets tweaked, my phone breaks, or someone I don’t even know damages my reputation. These things quickly cause a negative emotional response that is irrational because you had no authority in the first place only influence to pressure these areas into being the way we want. Once we get out of balance emotionally we often struggle to bring it back to center. This is why being ahead of it and rationally considering our small sphere of control, consciously taking actions/reactions with these thoughts we can have a more centered balance to emotions when things get hard. If you are struggling with this I strongly recommend using journal writing to get the thoughts on paper, you know “seeing is believing”.